Beyond the Wreckage
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“He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted" (Isaiah 61:1).Can you remember when you spoke your first word? Walked your first step? Lived through your first day of nursery school? These were milestones in your life, yet you may not recall them. But if I asked about the first shattered heart experience, you'd likely remember everything to the last detail. Somehow having our heart broken is an injury all by itself.
The Hebrew word for "broken" in Isaiah 61:1 is shavar, meaning "to burst, break into pieces, wreck, crush, smash; to rend, tear in pieces.”
Have those words ever described your heart? Has your heart felt as if it was broken into tiny pieces? As I think back on one of my own heartbreaks, I can almost feel the ache all over again. It was my freshman year of high school-I was introduced to this very attractive athlete who was two years my senior. He appeared to be a very nice guy. As our friendship deepened, I felt I could talk to him about anything. Little did I know that this seemly nice person had hidden personal issues that needed to be addressed. I begin to notice that he was extremely jealous and very insecure. However, I was too young and immature to recognize that these were warning signs of a troubled person that would ultimately lead to a turbulent relationship.
As our relationship continued to progress into a sexual one-I found
myself overlooking the obvious and doing what he suggested—“moving the
relationship to the “next level” which was marriage. He was preparing
to leave for college in the fall and wanted to make sure that I would
remain faithful to him—therefore, he proposed to me and I accepted.
It’s now my senior year. I should have be focusing on senior
activities, graduation and preparing for college. Instead, I found
myself pregnant, planning a wedding and very confused. Our wedding day
finally arrived, three days after my high school gradation. I was
eighteen, he was twenty. I honestly thought that our marriage would
last forever.My dreams begin to quickly shatter. The signs that I had chosen to overlook for four years, finally came full circle. His anger, jealousy, and insecurities all showed up at the same time. My tall, good-looking, athletic husband became my abuser. For the next three years, my life was filled with physical, emotional, sexual and verbal abuse. I became very fearful, tormented, and lived in constant deep regret. Finally, one day I gained enough courage to begin the process of ending our troubled marriage. By the time the divorce was final, I felt as if I had been in a near fatal accident and was still mangled in the weakage. My condition was critical. I was bitter. I had a chip on my shoulder. For the next several years, I was judgmental, suspicious and very negative. I experienced a lot of guilt and condemnation. Since I didn’t like who I was, I could not imagine that God had a plan for my life according to Jeremiah 29:11, I spent many years hiding behind a mask. Attempting to be someone else.—I was a traumatized mess!